File this under “whatever”

Even as I begin to type, I have no idea where I am going to post this. Facebook notes are usually a waste of my time and it is probably too tangential for burlesquestars.net. Too personal for the YVR blog and not self-centred and smutty enough for The Bastard’s Notebook.

I’m going to start by blaming Tristan Risk. We were sitting on the love seat in the Haus of Boudoir one Sunday afternoon at “Church”. She models a fair amount (you may recognize this if you’ve ever been on transit) and we were talking about photography. I said to her that at the stage I was at, I wasn’t ready to (and couldn’t in good faith) charge people for my photography. She, very matter of factly, said, “No. You’re not.” It wasn’t meant to be hurtful. Nor was it taken that way. It was just the honest and informed answer I have come to expect from her.

Since that day and not entirely because of it, I have grown as a photographer. I write less which is unfortunate, but I have tried to figure out where I would fit in. What would be my thing? I have gone to some shows, where I am right at the stage, contorted into positions I thought I could only manage when I was in my teens and athletic to get a shot. I have also been to shows where I see 2-3 photogs in the prime spots and don’t bother muscling in. I know them, they shoot well, why should I take the pictures they’re already taking? In those cases, I worked the edges, shooting from behind, seeing the angles they can’t.

But there is a world beyond the shows. Photography isn’t a job. I’d like it to be. But beyond the lack of any income surrounding it, it is my hobby. When I’m bored I go out and shoot. I often take way too many pictures and recently I have been paring it down. Digital allowing me to take hundreds of pics doesn’t mean I need to.

The “Summer of Shooting/Learning” went very well. What I learned most of all was, that although I have a basic studio set up, I still prefer not to use it.

I had some great photo sessions this summer. Some just happened. Some were planned. And, I have no shame in admitting, some were disasters. For me, the shame is not being able to admit to people who counted on you that you fucked up.

I will say this though: I came at a very reasonable price.

I think there are some photos I just can’t take. I don’t see them. Some are crystal clear in my head. I catch a shadow, a moment, and I know exactly when and how to shoot. Others are different. These are the ones I’ll begin working on in the winter and spring. I know exactly what I want and I aim to get it.

Technically, there’s not a whole lot I can do without a real studio space. I’ll keep collecting the gear, packing it on buses, and do what I love to do.

I can only get better. On Monday, I purchase a new camera that hopefully will help put what my eye sees into history just a little bit clearer… heh.

And, most of you who will read this know that I have at least one amazing picture of you that I have taken somewhere.

With patience and practice, I can guarantee you more.

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xx