Friends, Enemies, and Internet Losers: I have returned.

Posts tagged “lazy

If it's H1N1 I'll be soooooooo embarrassed

Today is a lazy day.  I don’t feel well.  I am sure that it is not the flu, but just the first week following a paycheque weekend.  I am so lazy, in fact, that I am not typing this; I am dictating it using voice recognition software.

*Author’s note:  Though I know what the word means, I have never really understood “onomatopoeia” until right now.  Every time I breathe in through my runny nose, my computer writes “if.”

My ill health may also be a symptom of my recognition that Halloween is gone and the long, slow descent to Christmas has begun.  I have no problem with Christmas but the bullshit that surrounds it tires me on the best of days.

I often find the Christmas season to be much like Tim Burton’s first Batman film: it wasn’t bad but could never have been as good as we were led to believe it would be.  Christmas, it seems, would be far more enjoyable if we didn’t wait for its arrival for two whole months, spend two hours opening presents, another three stuffing your face, and then be expected to spend the entire next week buying more on sale.

I like Halloween because it is a useless but fun holiday.  I enjoy Saint Patrick’s Day and New Year’s Eve for the same reason.  Days like Thanksgiving, Valentine’s, and Christmas claim jurisdiction over abstracts: gratitude, love, peace, and joy.

Clichéd as it is, naive as it may be, I still believe the world would have more gratitude, love, peace, and a joy if we spent more than three days thinking about them.

The following line was dictated by my runny nose:

if this is the if if if

lazy-bear-01


Groan… Turn your head and cough

Sorry for not putting up a blog yesterday but it’s official! I am now the least productive person I know. It took a lot of hard work to not actually do any hard work but it think, in time, it will be worth it. I am stupidly behind on everything that I am supposed to be doing but somehow I have managed to move my office furniture and audio/video set-up across the room so that I can use my fireplace this winter AND finally figured out what I’m going to do for Halloween this year (well, narrowed it down to two costumes from five). Tonight, I need to bone up on Christian History for Non-Christians, prepare a handout on literary and poetic devices, edit three hours of video, and create a test. This means that in all likelihood, I will end up at the bar having done none of these things with an awesomely carved pumpkin. This just seems to be the way my life is going these days.

Can you blame me? Well, of course you could. But why would you? Perhaps because your job description isn’t one you wrote yourself on the back of a cocktail napkin while feeling very self-generous after six rounds of Jaegerbombs one evening; therefore, you actually have to adhere to yours. Getting close? HR people always seem to think that writing out your own job description is a good way of defining yourself at work. Personally, I think doing yourself such a disservice just lays your testes out as targets for any corporate hatchet-man that just happens to be walking by looking for a sacrifical lamb. Rather than letting them interpret your self-penned job description, it is always more fun to interpret exactly what their description your job means to you and then throw the “think outside the box” bullshit from the motivational seminar they made you attend last month right back in their faces. I’ll be seeing you at the bar, pen and cocktail napkin in hand, in no time.

Hanging