Friends, Enemies, and Internet Losers: I have returned.

Posts tagged “coffee and zombie movies

Ugly stuff

Okay, so I usually spend my days searching out beauty (well, that and stupidity). Today I have done the opposite. Hellachella, Queen of All Things Internet-y, is holding a contest to see who has the ugliest stuff. Below are my two entries (As a blogger, I’m allowed THREE but I don’t have a whole lot of ugly stuff).

Weird fish towel holder (I have THREE of these babies). When we tore out the bathrooms, I kept these:

I have no idea who/what this is supposed to be. Generally speaking, I find the Japanese to be a very beautiful people but I am at a loss trying to explain what the hell this is:

Check out Hellachella’s Ugly Contest HERE

What do I get if I win? This piece of sheer awesomeness.


The New Face of Evil

Nietzsche warned us not to stare too long into the abyss otherwise the abyss may begin to stare back into us. I have spent a lot of time staring into the abyss, a contest of sorts. I can tell you this: evil has a new name and face. The name? Bernie (well, sort of). The face? Scroll down the right hand side of the blog and you will find a picture of a grinning, blonde maniac with a chainsaw.

Her blog, Coffee and Zombie Movies, is the worst kind of anti-social blatherings. Her entries are about such depraved topics as defrauding Starbucks and how to sexually abuse a turkey before cooking it.

This unemployable monster spends her days blogging when she should be looking after her 10000 children and various pets, both real and imagined.

I also happen to know she has hoarded food stores for when she and her armies of darkness and hilarity make their final push against the armies of good taste and diligent haircuts. She even moved from the frozen wastelands of northern Northern Alberta to Ottawa, our nation’s capital, just so she could bring her chilled heart to bear on the seat of power in this land (If she didn’t live in Ottawa, I wouldn’t write this. It is only since her departure from Alberta that I have ceased to feel her presence in Western Canada. But with that being said, I write this entry under a table, barricaded in my basement).

So, if you need to see for yourself the evil that is on the rise in the east of our great land, check out Coffee and Zombie Movies. But if you find yourself barricaded under a table, eating booze-soaked preserves, and facing an army of pissed off baristas, don’t say I didn’t try to warn you!

drunk_bear