Friends, Enemies, and Internet Losers: I have returned.

bar stories

Is every bar story true? Of course not, but who really cares anyway? Movie director, John Ford, famously said, “When the legend becomes fact, print the legend.” A-freakin-men. Bar stories are meant to be entertaining and fun. People who come to the bar and only talk about downer shit should just stay home and sit around in their underwear drinking with their cats. Last night, during a bar story moment, a friend told me the best cop story EVER.

He’s about to get a ticket for drifting through a stop sign. The cop asks him why he didn’t stop.

“I slowed down,” is his reply.

“Slowing down is not stopping,” says the police officer.

“Close enough.”

“Get out of the car.”

He gets out and the cop holds up his Maglite.

“I’m going to start beating you over the head with this. Now, tell me: Do you want me to stop or do you want me to slow down?”

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