Friends, Enemies, and Internet Losers: I have returned.

"…and your Sith name shall be Darth Lagerfeld."

The dark side has won. It started simply enough, a copy of Vogue cast aside at the doctors office, checking out the “hot chicks” on “Fashion File.” Heidi Klum is gorgeous but not the only reason I watched “Project Runway.” Last night it finally happened. Someone who will read this blog entry knows it’s all her fault but she shall remain nameless, for now… Last night at a friend’s house party, I stood in her kitchen with a couple of her friends and talked… talked about…

Shoes.

When you think about it, I can talk about pretty much anything. But when I’m at a party or a bar, if I have to choose between NFL stats with a bunch of meathead fucktards or sit surrounded by beautiful young women talking about Betsey Johnson, just where the hell do you think I’m going to end up?

I’m straight but could never figure out the douche bags’ preoccupation with “fags.” Try to imagine me sitting at a table while the girls dance. Five purses sit on the table. “Hey Fag, nice purse!” rings out from the sausage party behind me. “We’ll let’s examine this shall we?” I answer. “There are five purses on this table which means I am sitting here with five girls. Did you guys all shower together after football today?” You want to know what really pisses them off? One of them tries to be tough with the “purse guy” who promptly stands up and beats his douche bag ass to the floor. Yeah, so I know the difference between a Chanel and Louis Vuitton handbag. I can’t still kick your ass and I don’t shower with other men.

 My journey to the Dark Side is complete, my Master. Let the education begin… heh.

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