Friends, Enemies, and Internet Losers: I have returned.

Talking to women

Fuck Mars and Venus; I’m more partial to “A long time ago, in a galaxy far, far away.”

I am always a little wary of any article, blog, or episode of Hollywood mind rot that claims to have the answers, to explain the secrets, of what men and women “really want.” This will not be one of those pieces: This is more to exacerbate the problem more so than anything else.

What do men and women want? They want to be happy dumbass. I sincerely hope you didn’t pay a lot for that PhD. But what then is happiness? A ha! Was I the only one who just heard the record skip? Trying to define happiness is about as effective as telling some poor shmoe with over-priced custom clubs that the secret to a good game of golf is to get on the green in one. No shit? Thanks. Next you’ll be telling me that the sky is blue in your universe.

I am currently on the cusp a of new relationship and couldn’t be more happy or more terrified. From what “they,” the omnipresent, pseudo-expert windbags have told us, women want a man who is strong but sensitive. He is daring yet modest, funny yet serious. He is black and white, wet and dry… He doesn’t fucking exist.

The first time I seriously considered walking through a shopping mall with an RPG, was the time I heard a report from England that suggested people were having performance anxiety over dinner parties because TV hosts like Martha Stewart and Rachel Ray had pushed the bar of expectation so high. Wah…

Men and women have been dealing with this forever. Society makes a buck off of telling us exactly what we are looking for, more often than not to make another buck by selling us the means to find it. The stock piece of advice is to “be yourself.”

Contemplating this makes me want to grab my Pings and try for the green.

Be myself? I can do this. But I can only be the self I know. Is this the right one? Is this the self she’s looking for? How in hell do I find these things out? Maybe I will search the libraries of the world, seeking to resurrect a dead language where “fuck” and “love” were interchangeable when courting.

For the time being, I will take a deep breath and again step forward in faith with my head held high (while secretly convincing a mutual friend to “accidentally” forward her this post). I’m sure the words will come, hopefully before I do.

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2 responses

  1. heather

    great picture!

    December 20, 2009 at 12:44

  2. somedudeuplatedrininglooking@youryoubedrunkwhoopisaidthat.isholdbesleeping!

    Shoe Shoe..ah I mean Xiu Xiu – Clown Town.

    December 27, 2009 at 03:51

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