Friends, Enemies, and Internet Losers: I have returned.

If it's H1N1 I'll be soooooooo embarrassed

Today is a lazy day.  I don’t feel well.  I am sure that it is not the flu, but just the first week following a paycheque weekend.  I am so lazy, in fact, that I am not typing this; I am dictating it using voice recognition software.

*Author’s note:  Though I know what the word means, I have never really understood “onomatopoeia” until right now.  Every time I breathe in through my runny nose, my computer writes “if.”

My ill health may also be a symptom of my recognition that Halloween is gone and the long, slow descent to Christmas has begun.  I have no problem with Christmas but the bullshit that surrounds it tires me on the best of days.

I often find the Christmas season to be much like Tim Burton’s first Batman film: it wasn’t bad but could never have been as good as we were led to believe it would be.  Christmas, it seems, would be far more enjoyable if we didn’t wait for its arrival for two whole months, spend two hours opening presents, another three stuffing your face, and then be expected to spend the entire next week buying more on sale.

I like Halloween because it is a useless but fun holiday.  I enjoy Saint Patrick’s Day and New Year’s Eve for the same reason.  Days like Thanksgiving, Valentine’s, and Christmas claim jurisdiction over abstracts: gratitude, love, peace, and joy.

Clichéd as it is, naive as it may be, I still believe the world would have more gratitude, love, peace, and a joy if we spent more than three days thinking about them.

The following line was dictated by my runny nose:

if this is the if if if



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